A single girl's Valentine's Day. (by Moon)

Well, a week before the most annoying holiday of the year (I'm single, remember!!), I had a whole thing outlined: I had one week to test who would be the guy to take me out on Valentine's Day. Let's call them Mr. X and Mr. Y.

Mr. X: We had met through a common friend and instantly liked each other. When he asked for my number I tried to be mysterious and wrote it on a drugstore's receipt with my Channel lipstick. Yes, I actually RUINED my lipstick, thinking that this guy would be "the one". So he texts me first thing in the morning saying I was the highlight of his evening and that he can't wait to see me again! (great!!) - We meet a few days later and go for Thai food. Everything is going well until he starts eating food off MY plate. The date ends pretty soon with a kiss and ass grabbing. (yes, he grabbed my ass in the middle of the street). Still willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, I agreed to go see a movie with him. I get to the theater and he shows up 30 min later, so of course we weren't allowed in. We then decide to go grab a beer. As time goes by, as we talk and get to know each other, a small white saliva bump starts to rest on the corner of his mouth. As he talks and talks the saliva bump gets thicker and it dries out. He tries to kiss me and I politely back away: "Oh honey, let's take it slow, shall we?" he smiles and takes my hand with his SWEATY , ultra mega SWEATY - STICKY hands. I got in the car, drove off and crossed Mr. X off my Valentine's Day list of options.

Mr. Y: I was horny. I called him and made him bring me some pizza. I ate it. We had sex. I told him to leave because I needed to wake up early. He left. I crossed Mr. Y off my Valentine's Day list of options, the guy was too easy.

Valentine's Day: How annoying all those Facebook posts wishing you a "Happy VD", when you KNOW you will not get laid, nor have a ring put on your finger that night. So, I looked at myself in the mirror, fixed my hair, dressed nice and went buy myself flowers, ice cream and strawberries. :)